My turn: Dogma

So far my blog has served more of a public journal of my thoughts rather than a detailed list of current activities and state of life. I don't feel like anyone needs an official update on my life. It isn't private and I don't think it should be. I have always tried to be an open book and today I will do my best to outline my beliefs in a calm, yet informative way.

I recently watched a movie entitled "Jesus Camp." The film was a eye opening and frightening documentary of an Evangelical Christian summer camp for children ages 4 to 18 or so. In this documentary, heart wrenching realities are revealed. Realities to me that are extremely scary. Children were taught that global warming is a fictitious and malicious teaching and is merely a myth made up by "unbelievers." Also taught was that Harry Potter is a warlock and if Harry Potter existed in the Old Testament, "God would have destroyed him," teaching children that it is a sin to read a fictional tale of a boy with magical powers. The leader of the camp boldly stated that she was building an "army" for Christ to prepare for his coming. I don't share this story to tear down their beliefs, so please don't take it that way. I believe they have a right to feel the way that they do. I do, however, feel bad for the kids; at such a young age children will believe anything they are taught, never really getting the opportunity to make the choice for themselves.

In my life, as all of you know, I was raised in a religion, though not quite as extreme, that taught me from a young age that there was only one way to be truly happy. I realize that the majority of people that are reading this still belong to that church. Again, please do not take offense to my thoughts and feelings. I am not saying that your beliefs are wrong, but I am saying they are not for me. As a 22 year old man I consciously chose to leave that faith because I was not happy. I did so knowing many hearts would mourn my turning away from the teachings I had been brought up with. I had to do what I felt in my heart was right. Recently I have received communications from various concerned people in my life. Here is an example of one from a young cousin of mine: "In elementary skool i wrote a paper on u as my hero. Some1 who was just hilarious and a great guy. But u hav changd." If a hero is someone defined as hilarious and a great guy, I don't see why that would take me out of the hero column. However, I don't believe it is my humor that is really troubling him, but my lack of "faith."

I know that I am not a role model that many Mormon parents would choose to have for their child. I can accept that. I drink, I swear, I smoke hookah and I drink green and black teas. I support gay marriage, I know global warming is a real problem and I don't believe intimacy between two consenting adults is wrong, whether they are married or otherwise. Can someone still be a loving person with a happy life despite these beliefs and behaviors? I know that you can. I know from my experiences that things like these are trivial when defining someone as "good" or "bad."

Many of my family members choose to use my friends as scapegoats, saying that they have led me down the path of unrighteousness. I adamantly disagree with them. I have friends of all walks of life. I have friends that are very stalwart members of the church and I am happy that they see me for who I truly am despite how my lifestyle has deviated from their own. I have four friends that trusted me enough to share with me that they are gay. What an honor to be trusted enough to share something so personal in a time when the intolerance of homosexuality is so prominent. I feel so blessed to have all the friends I have, and choose to surround myself with people that share my love for life and a tolerant attitude toward others. I definitely have short comings. I am far from perfect and this is not my attempt to scold or lecture others. My only wish is to share love. Life is too short for malicious actions and I grieve those from my past.

In this moment of praise for people I love, I must take a moment to express my love for two special people in my life. I sometimes wonder why I am in Arizona, but I know there are many reasons. Roy and Jackie Howa are not the only people blessing my Arizona life, but they are definitely among the top five. In the recent months we have developed a relationship that I will treasure the rest of my life. In a recent in pool discussion with Jackie, I expressed my feelings on life and I feel like she really listened. I feel, and I assume that she feels similarly, the caring and mutual understanding grew between us in that 30 minutes. For the first time in a long time I feel that unconditional love that everyone longs to feel. I know no matter what, no matter how hard my life gets, there are always two sets of loving arms for me at the Howa's. The best part: there are no conditions. I don't have to be sober, I don't have to be a doctor, I don't have to be straight, I don't have to be skinny. They just love me. I can't express how great of a feeling that is. So I will conclude my extremely long outburst of thoughts with this: I may not get to go to the Heaven that as a kid I was taught existed. I accept that. However, if I can be as compassionate and as understanding as Roy and Jackie I will be at peace. Hell, we may just have some fun along the way!

Much Love,

Matt

P.S. here are some funny pictures for you to enjoy!