Dogma

So far my blog has served more of a public journal of my thoughts rather than a detailed list of current activities and state of life. I don't feel like anyone needs an official update on my life. It isn't private and I don't think it should be. I have always tried to be an open book and today I will do my best to outline my beliefs in a calm, yet informative way.

I recently watched a movie entitled "Jesus Camp." The film was a eye opening and frightening documentary of an Evangelical Christian summer camp for children ages 4 to 18 or so. In this documentary, heart wrenching realities are revealed. Realities to me that are extremely scary. Children were taught that global warming is a fictitious and malicious teaching and is merely a myth made up by "unbelievers." Also taught was that Harry Potter is a warlock and if Harry Potter existed in the Old Testament, "God would have destroyed him," teaching children that it is a sin to read a fictional tale of a boy with magical powers. The leader of the camp boldly stated that she was building an "army" for Christ to prepare for his coming. I don't share this story to tear down their beliefs, so please don't take it that way. I believe they have a right to feel the way that they do. I do, however, feel bad for the kids; at such a young age children will believe anything they are taught, never really getting the opportunity to make the choice for themselves.

In my life, as all of you know, I was raised in a religion, though not quite as extreme, that taught me from a young age that there was only one way to be truly happy. I realize that the majority of people that are reading this still belong to that church. Again, please do not take offense to my thoughts and feelings. I am not saying that your beliefs are wrong, but I am saying they are not for me. As a 22 year old man I consciously chose to leave that faith because I was not happy. I did so knowing many hearts would mourn my turning away from the teachings I had been brought up with. I had to do what I felt in my heart was right. Recently I have received communications from various concerned people in my life. Here is an example of one from a young cousin of mine: "In elementary skool i wrote a paper on u as my hero. Some1 who was just hilarious and a great guy. But u hav changd." If a hero is someone defined as hilarious and a great guy, I don't see why that would take me out of the hero column. However, I don't believe it is my humor that is really troubling him, but my lack of "faith."

I know that I am not a role model that many Mormon parents would choose to have for their child. I can accept that. I drink, I swear, I smoke hookah and I drink green and black teas. I support gay marriage, I know global warming is a real problem and I don't believe intimacy between two consenting adults is wrong, whether they are married or otherwise. Can someone still be a loving person with a happy life despite these beliefs and behaviors? I know that you can. I know from my experiences that things like these are trivial when defining someone as "good" or "bad."

Many of my family members choose to use my friends as scapegoats, saying that they have led me down the path of unrighteousness. I adamantly disagree with them. I have friends of all walks of life. I have friends that are very stalwart members of the church and I am happy that they see me for who I truly am despite how my lifestyle has deviated from their own. I have four friends that trusted me enough to share with me that they are gay. What an honor to be trusted enough to share something so personal in a time when the intolerance of homosexuality is so prominent. I feel so blessed to have all the friends I have, and choose to surround myself with people that share my love for life and a tolerant attitude toward others. I definitely have short comings. I am far from perfect and this is not my attempt to scold or lecture others. My only wish is to share love. Life is too short for malicious actions and I grieve those from my past.

In this moment of praise for people I love, I must take a moment to express my love for two special people in my life. I sometimes wonder why I am in Arizona, but I know there are many reasons. Roy and Jackie Howa are not the only people blessing my Arizona life, but they are definitely among the top five. In the recent months we have developed a relationship that I will treasure the rest of my life. In a recent in pool discussion with Jackie, I expressed my feelings on life and I feel like she really listened. I feel, and I assume that she feels similarly, the caring and mutual understanding grew between us in that 30 minutes. For the first time in a long time I feel that unconditional love that everyone longs to feel. I know no matter what, no matter how hard my life gets, there are always two sets of loving arms for me at the Howa's. The best part: there are no conditions. I don't have to be sober, I don't have to be a doctor, I don't have to be straight, I don't have to be skinny. They just love me. I can't express how great of a feeling that is. So I will conclude my extremely long outburst of thoughts with this: I may not get to go to the Heaven that as a kid I was taught existed. I accept that. However, if I can be as compassionate and as understanding as Roy and Jackie I will be at peace. Hell, we may just have some fun along the way!

Much Love,

Matt

P.S. here are some funny pictures for you to enjoy!

Grandma's got a little bit of Gansta In her

Me and my hand version of my best friend Chris


My girlfriend Ashley and I in a colaboration of funky colors

Thoughts on Love

Here i am once again here's the update... its almost April... and in May i will be moving from Salt Lake City to Chicago to sell security systems for a company called icon... I chose the Company because my good friend and roommate Jordan Leaming is managing that office. He got me a good deal and i trust him... which can't be said of a lot of salesmen i know... i value honest sales and true promises... Due to the job my look will be changing a lot... Which will make my mother happy... She currently is ashamed of the way i look... so much so that she refuses to put up a recent picture of me in her house because it wouldn't fit the House's house strict guidelines... Probably because it to her illustrates all the way's i have failed in her eyes.

" this is my current look and I'll admit I do look a lot better holding an angel"

I just got back from Arizona last Wednesday where i got to see my sister Lindsey and her awesome family that's the newest addition in my arms... Its funny how little kids just look past the things that so many adults can't... Even though I had to explain to Emma every five minutes how i got a ring of metal in my lip... she still wanted everything to do with me... Even the baby... did nothing but love me and want to laugh at my funny face... That's why i love little kids... they just love... no matter what... and they definitely can see who people really are... I don't really have a reason for looking the way i do... maybe cause for most of my life I've been told not to look like this... and any one that knows me knows how much that works... At any rate i am grateful this night as i reflect on my life the thing that is on my mind is love... How easily professed and yet how conveniently not shown by actions... I definitely struggle with it sometimes... For me i want to make sure every one feels loved by me... just so i don't feel like a bad person... However for me sometimes it boils down to me not backing it up... So that's an update on how i am feeling and whats going to happen in my life in the near future...

One more person in my life i need to brag on... is My little brother Daniel... He has really matured into an amazing young man... i got the opportunity to spend some time with him while i was in Arizona and I am in awe of how committed to everything he believes in... I ran an errand with him in which we ended up in a store called Bev Mo which is a store that sells various drinks with the majority of them alcoholic... I've never seen anyone hug a soda isle more than Daniel... It is so refreshing to know that he is firm in his beliefs and that's what makes him happy... AND EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT CHOOSE HIS LIFE... I respect him for living a life that brings him happiness... well its getting early in the morning again... i love ya all hope your day brings you prosperity and happiness
love
Matt Leatham

Time to Share

My dear family and friends... whom ever may read this lovely blog i have decided to start doing... I am doing this because of my great sister Lindsey...thats her... :o) and what a mighty fine picture it is... well any way Lindsey, being (in my opinion) the glue that holds my immediate family together, not too long ago started a blogspot of her own, and well it has brought me so much joy to read about her family and see pictures of the kids... well her and Jared too :o) that it makes me want to share with anyone that wants to know whats going on in my life... you know whomever is interested... I'm not going to go into much detail about myself tonight or this morning however... because its 6:10 in the am and i should go to bed sometime before the sun creeps out... I just want to take a second to let the world know... well any part of the world who will read this... that my family means so much to me... i know i may not show it as much as i should... but i love them... even though sometimes i may feel a awkward distance from my mother... i love her with every part of my heart... i picked this wonderful ditty of a pic cause i know even though she may not agree with what i do, i know that she still see's the good in me... thats what moms do i think... never give up hope that there kids will amount to something.... I love my lil brothers... who sadly are taller, skinnier, and buffer (well atleast D) than me... they are two really good kids and i even being 4 and 6 years older look up to them in so many ways... and how can i not profess my love for my Sister and her husband... Linz and Jared have been so good to me... especially since i have matured a *little and can communicate less like a punk and more like an (dare i say) adult... I love those two so much... and i look up to both of them... they are a constant reminder of what love is too me... i know no matter what i will always have a best friend in my sister... I LOVE HER SO MUCH... I am pretty sure i have never let her know how much she means to me.... And Jared is awesome because he is the one person that i know no matter how harsh his opinion... he will always shoot me straight... too many times people worry about dancing around and issue and not being blunt... this is not Jared... and many times he knows more about who i am then i do myself... He has a gift for seeing peoples potential... and thier worth... Jeez this is dragging on... but call it a public journal of my feelings currently... To all of
those reading this i love you... even if for some strange reason you are reading this and i dont know you.... (which is a tad bit creepy) I Love You...





Yours Truely,




Matt Leatham





* even though i may have a lip ring... and do things that some would consider childish... i still view myself as a competent adult.... (thought i should put in a disclaimer)